Some ramblings...

Oh I am so excited! I can not wait to meet with the new surgeon Dr. Phil Downer. I have heard great things from him. 3 more days until i have my second opinion. I was talking with an old friend a few days ago about learning of the labral tear and what will be some fixes. And she asked me, "Aren't you excited?" My first reaction was "Emm, NO" But after thinking about it I am excited to know what is going on in there and knowing what is causing me pain is awesome. Not excited about having to go through all this, and truly I am just done. Done with pain, done with aching, clicking, catching, twanging, crying, nerve pain. Done with limited mobility, weight gain, inability to move when I want, how I want, where I want and for as long as I want to. Done with not being able to run, ride a bike, roller blade, walk a mile with my family, stand for a while, sight see, walk in the park or the zoo. Crawl on the floor with my daughter, run around with her, play with her the way she wants to do it.

So yes, I am excited to finally know the truth of what is going on and to know that someday very soon this quite possibly will be over and I will be able to do everything and thousands more of what I mentioned above. I have remembered one thing from reading blogs and that is "Tomorrow will be better than today." So I will need to keep that in mind because that simple phrase has so much meaning and can be so powerful to someone going through something like this.

I wish my husband was going with me but he cannot miss work right now due to his job. So again I will be alone. Though I may need to just drag someone along with me for support. I have also read that bringing someone along with you preferably a male, will soften the doctor you're meeting with but either way I will ok. I am noticing I am having way too high hopes for this meeting with him and I am expecting him to be my saviour! Gosh, I really hope he is :) But if it does not turn out the way I want, there is another person still and the only thing I need to do is wait to meet him. So count down to Friday :D

Last week I went to my health care team and got all my records regarding my hip and I went through everything. It was very empowering to learn what the doctors have said about my hip, what their feelings are, and the "doctor-speak" for what is going on in there. I also googled everything I did not understand so I can be more prepared for my next appointment. I encourage anyone to do the same. Why not get your info and read up on it, it is very helpful even if you never look at it at least you have it there. I swear since I have read the notes by the doctor analyzing my MRI that I can feel exactly where the tear is. I know where I have been feeling the tear pain prior but now when it happens I know what it is and I can feel when it will happen. I can even make it do it purposefully, though probably not the best thing. I have been trying to prepare my hubby for all the possibilities of any type of surgery that I may have and he is not taking it well. I hope he can be my strength support because I am going to need it, BIG TIME :)

Ouch, ouch and more ouch!

So, My hip basically went out a week ago. Lots of pain and, this is weird, in more and different areas than usual. I am not sure exactly what caused it, all I know is I was and still am in pain. It is a deep, middle of the hip ache when I move, when I sit still and stand up and walk. It also hurts on the back part of my hip right above my butt and deep in the groin area. It feels closely like if I stretch it just enough, something might break, which I'm guessing is not what I want?  So basically for a few days I was just hanging out and decided to buy a cane to help ease some of it when I'm walking around. The doctor should have given me a lesson with an actual cane when he was telling me I needed to use one. Because dang that was awkward! It just didn't, and still doesn't, feel right...He said use it as a third leg opposite of the pain side. And to step with pain side and use the cane (opposite side) to support. Well that seemed to make it hurt more LOL I tried every which way I could think of but still don't think I have it down. Plus, I was very embarrassed to use it. :( I am finding it very hard to use it in public. I am embarrassed and it is humiliating actually. I'm not thirty and I'm walking with a cane (well not really, bought it and finding it hard to use). It is a little hard to deal with, believe me. This older man with a cane walked by me in the cane section at Walgreen's and he did a double take, which made me feel even more awkward than I was already. So I bought the pink one with roses. I think I would almost like to use crutches, since it might be a little less out of place than a youngin with a cane. Pain medicine, Ibuprofen and stretching has done little to ease it, but it is going away slowly, or maybe I'm becoming used to it? Something about a pain threshold maybe? IDK but this hurts awful!! Work is extremely hard. I am a restaurant manager of a fast food business and I am moving and sitting about fifty-fifty. Both induce pain. Have to move fast and make short, quick movements. Bending or squatting, carrying things. Sitting For long periods of time makes the joint stiffen and causes pain, and also I can feel what I'm guessing to be bone touching bone in a few different areas, depending on how I'm sitting. This week has been very stressful and depressing but I am hopeful that there will soon be an answer :)


I have 9 days till I see the surgeon and I am hoping they have loads of info about my individual issues and more help and ideas. First appt with a surgeon is very scary. I have little idea as to the next few months of docs visits, but from the other blogs I have been reading, there will be lots of exams maybe needles and tests too? When I saw a Dr. with my insurance co., his referral was not if I need surgery, but "operate now, or wait." I did appreciate him and what he said. He was the first Dr. who actually seemed to care about my issue and was sympathetic toward my weight. He explained to me that it is extremely difficult for someone to lose a large amount of weight without exercise at all. (DUH!) And that many people fail if left to restricting diet only (YES I KNOW lol) But it was nice for a change to have a Dr. "on my side." I am so anxious, nervous, excited to hear what the surgeon has to say. Oh I hope this appt will help ease some anxiety. Though I am feeling relief in the fact that we are closer to a solution. IT has been LONG enough and I'm ready to know what the road ahead is going to be. Can't it be 6/16 yet!!!!

Rain Rain, go away

WEDS 6/1

Today is a wonderful rainy day in Seattle, WA and it pretty much fits my mood. Today I need to call and make an appointment to get more pain meds. Every time they treat me like an addict and tell me that it doesn't really help. Um, Hello? It takes my pain down enough so that I can move and work and do daily life things. So I'm pretty sure it helps. And besides, its my right to have pain medicine if I am in pain. I am thinking though I may try to set up pain management instead of just asking for more pain pills. If I have to live with the pain I might as well manage it. I don't really know what there is to offer, but hopefully the doctor wont be so stingy and help me.

.......
THURS 6/2

Last night started with so much stiffness and pain I couldn't believe it. Yesterday I emailed my DR and asked for medication refill and got a response from another doctor suggesting I set up an appointment with my DR to start a pain management care plan. This probably would have been great for them to suggest like last year! LOL But I am curious what types of care plans are available. I definitely do not want to keep taking narcotic pain medication if there are better and safer ways to manage my pain. They did however refill my request for pain medicine and I am waiting for the pharmacist to fill it.

I think this may be the worst day of pain I have felt. I am going to actually look into getting a walking cane because The stiffness and clicking and loss of strength is terrible. The pain medicine is not taking it away and that is not a good sign. I'm a little more scared now. I do not want to have to depend on a cane and it is a pretty big blow to the ego that before I am even 30 I need help to walk. What will that say for me when I am older? I can only hope that this surgery (don't know which one or anything about it yet) will help tremendously.  I tried stretching, laying flat on my stomach, all the tricks I know, but to no avail. Basically...this just freaking sucks! I am so tired of being my hip and my life revolving on whether my hip is not feeling it today. Ok enough pity party for me...If I find a good cane I will post it :)

Beautiful things in life can be missed

I just wrote this ridiculously long blog and lost it. Bummer. Well first one so I guess its a lesson in patience. Welcome to my journey I hope you enjoy it and I also hope it may bring you some help as my searches for some wonderful ladies' blogs has helped me tremendously. When I started writing this I was very overwhelmed and many things came to mind. "Will anyone read this?" "How can I make this more interesting?" "Why would someone care about my story" "will they like me?" Well I know someone will read this because I was lucky to find a blog to cling to and received much help in listening to someone else's story and knowing they had one similar to mine and they knew. Interesting? Like living in constant pain, followed by a gruesome surgery which then leads to learning daily life all over again wasn't interesting enough? I know people will care about my story. Especially if one person is helped by the knowledge that someone else went through the same thing they did and lived. Will they like me? Where did that come from? lol


If you have ever watched the show "House" and seen the main character "House" then you would know he has knee pain. Well I find myself acting similar to him in many ways. I find it very hard to look at life the same way anymore when I am constantly living with pain that stops me from doing basic things and many things I love or loved at one point in my life. He is mean and is never happy. I used to find happiness everywhere and wake up so happy I couldn't help but smile. But now beautiful things in life can be missed. I could find happiness in many things like waking up to the sun so bright it blinds me by its light. Beautiful flowers standing so tall in a harsh world. Rainbows after the storm. The way my daughter says "I love you Mommy." The way my husband looks when he is sound asleep. These things are little things in life that make me happy and yet when I'm in pain can be so distant its very hard to cling to. I want to be a beautiful flower standing tall, but its hard to be strong when your stem is broken.


My story began when I was born. When I began walking my mother figured out something was wrong and took me to San Francisco Hospital and the doctors figured out I had congenital hip dysplasia. Which basically means hip dislocation at birth, and I am learning is very common actually! So after traction (a harness worn in hospital) and a full body cast for many months my hip was supposed to be ok.


At 16 while running in P.E. my hip went out and I went to do PT for 6 weeks. It seemed to help for a while. Lots of stretching the muscles, and heat pads, and the muscles were loosened up. A while being a few more years. And Since I was 18 The pain has been continuous.


Hi my name is Liane (Lee-AH-nuh  not Leaan) and I have DDH. I am married to the same man I have been with for 9 years and I am 28.We have a 4.5 yo named  Mickaela and I have 2 stepsons: Nate (14) and Danny (13). I have been living with this pain for 10 straight years. But up until now have not gotten a specific diagnosis and am now figuring out all about DDH. Everyday life is very hard. Walking, sleeping, eating, working, sitting, laying, being still, driving, sex, talking! Whew it affects all of me. Last year I went to see the Docs and after x-rays and examination they told me I have sciatica and needed to do PT and keep exercising to make it better. The pain seemed to dwindle but never really went away. That is when I started realizing I had 2 different types of pain. I had sciatica on the back side of my right hip which went away with movement and stretching and basically could be managed. And then I have the deep aching pain which also affects my knee and also groin clicking and outer hip pain also. The docs gave me little pain meds and basically told me it was all in my head. I mean really?! I actually started to believe it may have been all in my head too at one point. And then the pain came back the next day! LOL Well skip to last month when my husband and I moved our family into a new home by ourselves and I definitely over-worked my hip. I was in so much more pain than I have ever felt. I went back to the doctor and this time I saw someone else. I didn't care who I just needed some relief. It turns out that seeing another doctor was a great idea. He took another x-ray and WOW what a difference only one year has made. It is so obvious the gap is more pronounced than a year ago. Forgive me I am still learning all the lingo and will sound much more intelligent next time :) He said I have DDH (Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip) and that I need surgery. GAH!!! OMG so scary! He also said I need to look into getting a cane and proceeded to tell me about his dad who has "this really cool cane" that is glass and holds little glass flasks inside it and he fills them with different liquor which he can then drink while strolling around the town. LOL


I just got done reading this wonderful blog and decided maybe I should tell my story too. I have always found writing to help me and so far just writing about my feelings on this has helped. Well, except for the blog that was totally freaking awesome that just got deleted before this one! I go to see the surgeon on 6/16 and I am totally freaked. This will be the first meeting, of many to come I am finding out, with doctors. I know I need this to help me but I am totally freaked out. I am trying to find out everything I can and to learn all the things I need to know to arm myself. I know I will need it!!! Feel free to comment or msg me, I hope this helps someone, at least one person. Knowing someone else has gone through the same thing has helped me. I keep reading the same blog over and over and then I research the thing the blogger is talking about and then tracking that info into my own report so I can have that knowledge ready. I cant wait til I am fully trained in the matters of "HIP" Though by now I should be an expert. You know, I just remembered something one of the doctors told me last year when they said it was all in my head. They told me I needed to lose weight. In fact 60 lbs! So I am wondering how easy that would be for them to do when you cant hardly get out of bed some days. The specific exercise they told me to do was walking because it is "low impact". Really? Walking? On what scale do they consider "low-impact" to be helpful when you are going through excruciating pain DAILY! Have to lose weight to help it, but cant move to lose the weight. Go figure!


Ok friends off for now, I will gladly post any random rants or info I find and any info relating to my journey...ttfn!


~Liane