Hopeless

Well I saw Dr. Clark today. It was bothering me that I couldn't find any reviews or info on him and how many PAO's he has done or patient reviews etc. So I decided  I was going to see him but also make another appointment with another surgeon (Dr. Keith Mayo) and get a second opinion but that I would go to this appt with Clark and see what he says. Not Good.

I am sitting here emotional, pissed off, a little depressed and  mostly hopeless as to my future. Started off good gave the Dr all the specifics and he looked at my xrays and did a little test. Then he starts telling me that it would be physically too hard for him to do the surgery on me because i am over weight. He said that I need to have gastric bypass surgery to radically lose weight and then this PAO might be worth while. However a few minutes later he told me he doesn't know how my hip looks and it probably has arthritis. In that case the surgery will not help. He also kind of hinted that my primary was just pushing pain meds on me instead of trying to lose weight. He obviously did not spend the time looking at my doctors notes because he would have seen 1) What we have done so far, nutrition, PT, personal training,and 2) the measly amount of pain meds that I am actually taking. Mind you, he said "I dont know" Too many times for me to feel comfortable with him doing my surgery. I am not a candidate for Gastric Bypass. I need to lose 90-100 lbs to be "normal" weight. I do not want that surgery. I left there feeling exceptionally less hopeful, and cried all the way home. Hubby is working so I cant tell him whats going on.

So I am getting a referral to Dr Mayo and see what he says though he must be so awesome that I cant even get into see him til October-November. I am so bothered by this appt i cant even put into words. I am angry and just want to push myself to lose the weight even if it means excruciating pain but then, Clark said my bones are deteriorating and that they are being damaged. So will pushing it makes things worse or better. I cannot move to lose the weight physically but "need to lose the weight" so the surgery will be easier for the surgeon. What kind of sense does that make?

I am hopeless right now though. I feel like if I wait any longer more damage will happen to my hip and possibly turn into a THR (Total Hip Replacement) which I do not want. He was saying I need an MRI but because I am so big he is not hopeful it will do any good. I understand he needs to be blunt but really I felt like he either doesn't have much PAO experience or he is just getting too old to do this surgery. He is half-retired and works a couple days a month. Also He was stuttering and repeating his sentences and having to keep closing his eyes and squinting to see. That does not make me SUPER EXCITED to have him sawing into my bones and messing with my insides. Looks like I will see if there are other surgeons as awesome sounding as Dr. Mayo and just get a referral to Mayo.

And the waiting begins....